i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
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