And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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