This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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