Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
im having a threesome with these popsicles
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
