you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
