K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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