she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
