You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
