is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
