So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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