I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize