When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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