He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize