some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
