wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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