he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
