I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize