Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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