happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
