you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
