Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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