did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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