I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
