I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
