and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
