Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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