These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
