Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
