It was confusing and full of hummus
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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