I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
