Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
