I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
