And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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