i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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