i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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