$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
