He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
