i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I want a musical about memes.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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