Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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