Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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