How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
