Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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