I can text with my tongue
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
