She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
