So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
