im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
