they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
i out mim tonsoeep
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