I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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