I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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