Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize