I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
