I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
