those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
