DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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