If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
