my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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