My room smells like vodka and shame
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
he thought i was a dude.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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