I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
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