ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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