forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
