So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
