you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
