I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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