she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
