Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
