the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
