Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I think my moral compass just broke
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
