One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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