Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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