so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
a search helicopter?!
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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