The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
