my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
