I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
should my penis look like a turkey
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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