people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
