I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
